My 2016



Fascism is closer than we think

Hi guys, please allow me to indulge in a bit of politics. I need to get this off my chest.

According to this article fascism is frighteningly close, and I can’t say Mr Van Ranst is entirely wrong. I don’t think google translate will do the article justice, hence the shortened version below:

– Refugees and Islam are bad news
– Freedom should be sacrificed for the sake of security
– Strikes and demonstrations are dangerous
– There are those who are productive and there are scroungers – no grey area
– A lot of people in Germany don’t seem to object to the suggestion of shooting refugees when they try to cross their closed border.
– it’s seems to be ok to steal valuables from refugees so the government can “afford” to care for said refugees (Denmark and Switzerland).
– It’s ok for the Geneva Convention to be openly questioned.

Quite a few of these could just be conservative policies, I understand that. But taken to the extreme these can create incredibly explosive situations. I’m afraid we’re not that far off…

When motivation isn’t there

Hi guys, it’s been a few weeks again despite my good intentions of making weekly posts. My mum always told me that the way to hell is paved with good intentions. That’s a literal translation from Dutch, but I’m sure there’s a similar expression in English.

My motivation to frankly do anything just wasn’t there this month. At first it was complacency, which then developed into worry and then panic. I got overwhelmed by how “horribly behind” I was on everything. Mind you, this was my highly tensed mind speaking. It’s not that bad, really. So instead of this getting me into action in my week off, it did exactly the opposite. I did exactly nothing all week. I’m almost glad I’m back at work come Tuesday so I can get into my routines. Hopefully I can pick up where I left off almost three weeks ago now. A household of two doesn’t accumulate too much in that time. so even without pushing myself I should be ok for my friend coming over for a long weekend in four days time.

With a bit of luck I’ll be able to squeeze in a few blogpost in November in addition to my third attempt at Nanowrimo.

A few things I learned in September

I started working on the 2nd of September as a part time play worker. It’s daily work, so I have managed to create a bit of a routine. I notice having “less time” has actually resulted in me doing more things than I did before. I’m more tired (physically), but on the other hand it feels like I have more energy. It’s weird (but good). I have regular panic attacks still, but I have managed well so far. There was only one day this month that it was an absolute miracle I managed to get to work. In my journal I recorded my anxiety level that morning at an 8. It was horrible. Despite the regular uncomfortable feelings, I feel like I’m doing relatively well. I’ve also spoken to a few friends I hadn’t talked to in a while. That gave an extra boost 🙂 Now it’s October already. The month really flew by. Fingers crossed I can keep it up. Wish me luck! Oh, and one more thing, I have joined the ENCON team (European Nerfighter Con). If anyone is interested in an awesome nerdy con in Amsterdam, stay tuned. It’s going to be so good!!

7 Things I would tell my younger self [Advice for everyone]

In no particular order of importance, here goes:

1) Don’t worry so much. Most of the stuff you worry about will never happen.

2) The world isn’t always fair. There is nothing you can do about that on your own.

3) Good friends keep you going, even if life is tough. If they don’t, ask for help.

4) Don’t be afraid to ask for help. The greatest weakness lies in not doing so.

5) Look around you and cheer up. The world is a beautiful place.

6) It’s ok to be happy. You are your own most important person.

7) If you don’t love yourself, it’s much harder to love someone else.

What would your advice look like?

The one where I wanted to have a job by now

My friend told me off for being impatient when I told him about this. “But it’s been at least 5 months!” I said in a very exasperate kind of way. He replied with a reminder that it took him a year and a half to get the job he’s in now. I was very annoyed about that because I don’t want to wait that long. But then again, neither did he. The unanswered letters do get to me. If I had the courage I’d call those companies up and say “Come on! Hire me already! You don’t know what you’re missing” But I’m not really that kind of person. I do keep looking and applying, because that’s the only to get a job if you’re not planning to start your own company. Admitedly, the thought has crossed my mind because I’m tired of being unemployed. I wouldn’t have a clue how/what/etc. One of the hurdles is my lack of experience. I’m 29 and have only ever been a student (and took a bloody long time to get a bachelor’s degree and a masters diploma). Sure I have done interships, volunteering and all that, but I don’t know how much that counts. It doesn’t help either that I still don’t really know what I want to be doing. Also, according to my hubby I underestimate what I’m able to do as a job. The overriding emotion about this subject tends to be grrrr! I just have to keep at it I guess. I’m bound to get a positive response sometime.

Expanding my comfortzone

I currently have two major goals that require me to increase my comfort zone. One is driving in the UK in a right hand drive car and the other is getting a job. The starting things is much harder for me than the actual doing of the job or the driving. Take job hunting for instance. While I’m doing this I tend to continuously image doom scenarios of what might happen and it gives me tremendous anxiety. It gave me a particularly physically painful experience last week when I was determined to spend all day looking for a job. The anxiety was so bad that it was as if all the muscles in my body started contracting and after about half an hour that began to be really painful. Worst of all, I was too stubborn to stop. That was not a good call. After a few hours it was like my body was on fire, as if I was running a marathon and was a good long way in to it as well. Not nice. I’ll let you know in a couple of months whether any of it will start to get easier over time when I keep at it.